- Nausea, dizziness, loss of vision, diarrhea, stomach bleeding – these symptoms may become more intense later in the season or further into the bracket of the tournament
- Severe fingernail loss – Parents of pitchers don’t always chew their fingernails. But when they do, they prefer to chew them down to the nubs.
- Uncontrolled pacing, gum chewing, sunflower seed eating, cigarette smoking or vaping – This is game day and you need to do something while worrying about your kid pitching
- You throw away nearly-new cleats because there’s a hole in the toe – You wish you knew a kid with the same size foot as your daughter’s, who pitches with the opposite hand. That way you could split the cost of cleats.
- You have multiple bruises on your shins – Sometimes you can see the marks that the seams leave on your skin. The bruising goes up when your child learns a new pitch.
- Consistent numbness in your left hand – Catching all those pitches has a side-effect. But having feeling in your glove hand isn’t that important anyway.
- High cell phone data usage – You send frantic messages or emails to your child’s pitching coach to get analysis of what’s going wrong. This chews up data like a teenager on that stupid lip-sync app that has thankfully become uncool.
- You feel your kid is responsible for winning or losing the game / You feel everyone else’s kid is responsible for winning or losing the game – Parents of pitchers can have one of these feelings or waffle back and forth between the two. There’s no logic to it. It’s purely emotional.
- You wish you could draw an ‘air’ strike zone for umpires – Why can’t they wear contact lenses with a rectangle to show the strike zone?
- You prefer sitting on a bucket instead of a chair – the lid is already shaped to your ass
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